Such little seeds, grow into such big changes, and changes is what I need...
I need to rid my body of these anxietys about nothing at all
sow my seeds of change, today these old problems are cast out, I will not carry you anymore, you are not needed here any longer....
Let my strength uncurl, it is no longer quivering in hiding
Who is in control??? ohh thats right its me....
How quickly do we forget and wake up one day to realise the ridiculous patterns that have become our normal.... when did I change?? I dont remember but now I know about it..I can go back cant I??
or do I go forward???
Its easy with blogging to present our best face, but if you look inside my heart you will see I am a mess, an afraid girl who cant go to town to do the shopping or leave the house for the night to go to a kids birthday party without having a panic attack and being found hiding in the truck wanting to go home to safety.
I have been here before, would like to say never again, but this is the right now and I have to figure out what changed and how I got myself here.
I have tossed up whether to even write about this because Im sure its not what you all come here for, but then I felt I wasent being honest about my days.
"have a wonderful day!" Id write even though mine had been moments of terror because of waiting in line at the post office, or feeling trapped in aisles at the supermarket.
I will get on top of it, and refuse to let my world get smaller and soon I will read this post and think, What?? what was the big drama about....
I need to set myself free like a buzzy bee. I can feel Im holding on too tight!!!
Neurotic Pisces???..Jeez! I dont know...I will get there...
Anxiety Queens aside, I have been waiting to splash these pages here but was afraid the little boys mummy would see them and it would ruin the surprise.
Munchys best friend Sandwich was two the other day (party noted above!!) and I made him a book of their adventures. I found a hard cover book "Sam comes to dinner" with 24 pages so I made 24 pages with old scrapbooking paper and stamps and developed 24 photos of the adventure and these are what the pages turned out like...
After finishing the pages I then wrote the story under each photo and glued them over the pages in the book (i must have a book destroying gene in me)
So it had the original cover and a book about a boy and his best friend.
Once the book was put together I did more stamping and drawing on the pages
it turned out wonderful!
A treasure to hold on forever, and maybe a bit awkward when they are in their 20s and cant stand each other! hehe you all know what Im talking about here, when you look back on old birthday party photos and think, "what was that guy doing there" ???
Ahh great times ahead xxx
Im soooo enjoying paper crafts which I never really did before, I love taking art into new directions, and now I am at home every day I can finally explore more, with the help of little fingers...and winter is coming.....with the new chilly nights....the pumpkins all ready, the soup is hot and the bread has been baked mmmmm. There are some nice things about winter!!
I even went mega domestic and made some muslie too
I love it with lots of coconut and no raisins, so I have to make it myself!
Hope everyone is having a great day, and thanks for all your heart warming comments. I feel like I travel to so many places each time I visit you all.
xxx
sheree
Pea Es
I love a mystery and things like 'The Da Vinci Code" are right up my alley, so Im starting a monthy post called the Book Hunt.
I will post my first one tomorrow.
I will post about a book and you will hopefully be so interested you will go find it at your library or for some lucky book worms on your shelf at home, you will be sent on a mystery quest thru the book with clues and riddles till you come to the end question. This will not require you to read the book at all, just hunt thru paragraphs and chapters for clues.
Post the answer as a comment and there will be a winner and prizes!!!
confused????
it will all be clear tomorrow xxx
~aaahhh...sending you l♥ve...the first step is accepting what is and as you said what you can change...there once was a time that these same feelings ran ramped through my every being...anxiety is me...something i battle daily but am learning to conquer...these feelings were such that i never shared with anyone until recently...embarrassed by them and felt i was the only one...i once did not like to be home in our house alone without another...i once could not take my children to the park...i only just did this a few months ago...alone...by myself with my little ones...and i made it...my panic attacks were heightend during my second pregnancy...doc said hormones heighten the senses...he suggested therapy and long story short...no therapy was needed...just comfort from close ones and learning and talking with others...i was told once to rationalize the fear......what are the chances it will really happen...become a reality and it was through this process i am learning to release those dibilitating feeling that hold us captive from going about our day to day...you are real...you are honest and brave for sharing with us...another great joy of being here...there is not the need to impress...i am we are who we are and like or leave it...thank you soo...as you sow your seeds of change may they blossom and bloom and flourish with an abundance of serenity within and courage to take new steps each day...blessings be with you always...oh and a book hunt sounds like much fun!!~
ReplyDeleteDear Sheree
ReplyDeleteWe all only show each other we want to.
Oh, we come here for lots of reasons! We want to see what story you weave while showing us pictures of what happened today; turning an ordinary day at the beach into a fairy tale of a princess, her protector and her father.
We come to see what new creative venture you are on, what beautiful thing you have made and are willing to share.
We come to see your world, miles away from ours on the other side of the globe.
We come because we are nosey, NOT, interested that is the word. Interested in you.
I don't know what your personal demons are. We all have them you know. Some cannot tame theirs. Others let them rear up to squelch them back down. I think you are determined to smash yours, command yours, show em who's boss. In the meantime, remember to tell the Universe what you WANT, and do not utter what you DON'T want. That, little friend, is the Secret.
Warmest regards
Carol
Sheree,
ReplyDeleteYou have done exactly the right thing. Art is definitely the answer. Whenever anything goes wrong in my life, I know that art will pull me through.
I love the book you created for your daughter's friend. How considerate and what an amazing book! It must have taken a great deal of time. You have inspired me to get busy on a pictorial quilt I am making.
Thanks so much!
Cheryl
We come here for you and that means all of you... please never feel weird about sharing things that you need to! Sending you lots of good thoughts :).
ReplyDeletethanks so much for your honesty and for sharing that vulnerable part of yourself!
ReplyDeleteI see that as a gift you are giving your readers - it may inspire us to be honest and open more too!
I go through spells in my life when I have panic attacks and anxiety (including social anxiety and fear of leaving house) as well and my heart goes out to you - sending love and long distance optional hugs ♥♥☺♥♥
Dear Sheree, we come because you are a magic weaver, and we want to see what wonders you've wrought today. Nobody said you had to be perfect (whatever that is!). We all have our different demons, we deal with them as best we can, and sometimes we win, and sometimes we have those days when nothing feels right. It's good to know we're not alone, sharing is a powerful healer. I'm sowing seeds of change too, it's a long hard haul sometimes, but we'll get there. Take care!
ReplyDeleteI think that sometimes when the mental malaise strikes we think that we are the only one it ever happened to. The reality is that it is far more common than you think. When you tell people and voice how you feel then suddenly you are swamped with stories of how "it happened to me" Or my sister, friend, neighbour, boss. I've been through it too and sometimes I can feel it pulling at me again. Right now I've got the strength to fight it and I'm sure it will come back to you too. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix you but we all have to deal with this in our own way and own time. However, rest assured that you're not alone and that all around the world people like me can fully understand what you're going through and send you our support and understanding. Feel free to write it all out here. When I finish the script I'm writing for my creative retreat I'll send it to you as it goes into more detail on how art helped me find my way out. Warmest wishes - enjoy those winter warmers!!
ReplyDeletehi! i was in this terrible situation for about 5 years!i tried so hard to struggle with it and i think now i'm better thanks to art journaling! writing and painting on my journal helped me so much to express my feelings and my emotions! of course i go out a lot, and i try not to worry about everything! the worst thing is that i had noone to stand by me!!!yes, it is a socking truth! i have a family, hasband children but seems to noone cares about my inner feelings. thank to god and to my power i'm better now but every single day i remember all the bad details of my crisis and my panic attacks i had a few months earlier(total almost 5 years)
ReplyDeleteplease try to go out alot, play with your beloved child, make an art journal and ...be a child again!!!!that works, believe me!!!
Thanks for this post, I really appreciate your honesty. I deal with a lot of similar anxieties and know what it's like. Sometimes it's just nice to know your not the only one, and from reading your post and the other ones here,that much is clear.
ReplyDeleteSome days are better than others, just know that you are strong and you can do it!
OOoooh the book hunt sounds like fun...intriguing!
ReplyDeletenice to meet you..i clicked on over from a comment you left on the'write'stuff blog...
i can appreciate your sentiments...while I try to be upbeat and positive, there are days when "life' get's the better of me...
i think everyone's sort of like that, some put on a better' show' is all! lol
take care...your pages are lovely!
come by and see me too sometime...
at Creative CArmelina and Conversational ....
love to see you there!
ciao bella
carmelina
Oh my dear friend, thank you for bearing your soul with all of us here today. We will judge you not. I think all of us have our personal demons - some conquered and some not. I know I have my own. Art is a miraculous gift - and you have been given that gift that you share so freely with your beautiful creations and your beautiful blog. We care about YOU. No matter how far apart in the world we may be, we are kindred spirits. Thank you for being YOU. :) xoxo Theresa
ReplyDeleteYes... blogland is a place where to put on ones "perfect face" is almost too easy... yet I think deep down we all realize that.... Personal monsters haunt us all... Good that you feel the comfortableness to voice them here.... Although really how does that change you in any way. You are still the same imaginative creative person you were before... I think often it is the dark corners of us that help the bright corners to shine a bit more brightly. Or at least appreciate them more.... Your book is wonderful and I am sure will be a treasure, yet so many of the things I have seen you create have so much of yourself in them. This is much what makes them so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteLove you just the way you are sherree.... blessings to you.... :-)
We always think we are the only ones with a dark side...and even though the Universe speaks to me in a very loud and profound manner, I can still question and battle the voices in my shadows....it doesn't matter how talented you are or even how blessed...we are all the same, with the same base of fears...unworthiness...this seems to be the crux of the unbalance within. This is the time that your passions and art can heal you, or at the very least guide you safely through the muck and mire....once you gain stable footing, the sun always shines again on your face....you lean your head towards the warmth and are filled with GRACE, once again....too bad we have to suffer so and fill our beings with shame....what a waste of good sunlight....much love you Sherri...another storyteller with sad days...Juner
ReplyDeletethat was supposed to read much love to you Sherie from another storyteller with sad days....wanted to make that clear to you...june
ReplyDeletesending you lots of love an strength... we all have our shadows... not to tame, but to love and nurture and let them know there's nothing to be afraid of... like little children, we love all of our parts without judgement.
ReplyDeletei hope art releases alot of the anxiety for you.
beautiful book for your friend too!
sweet pea! So many kind, wise, emphatic words from these people .. I know you are listening. your pain is so raw babe - god, even numb, desensitized me can feel it. I came here looking for more gorgeous photos! (and found them of course). Please ask for help - I'm just round the corner. Feel well soon wee girl. much love your way. sharl xxx
ReplyDeletedear sheree, your space here is always such a delight to share, always uplifting & bright. It is true we put on our best smiling blog faces when underneath there are allsorts hidden away. I admire so your courage in writing of your fears & anxiety. It is so not a nice place to be, i find myself in that same place every so often & i hide away, but the love and understanding of those around me leads my feet back onto the path & keeps my heart full of love. I often wonder if we suffer for our creativity, but if so i would rathe have what i have than not be creative, blessing to you, may your days be filled with the sunshine you deserve x x
ReplyDelete